As Claire's heart surgery gets closer and closer, I get more and more anxious, scared, excited, and nervous. We know this is what Claire needs to have done to be able to grow and prosper. But at the same time, the surgery is huge. These surgeons and doctors will be stopping our baby's heart. Stopping it. No beating.
Stopping the heart that Trent and I wanted to badly to hear on that first ultrasound but didn't. Stopping the heart that we were so relieved and happy to hear on the second ultrasound that brought tears to our eyes and excitement in our own hearts. Stopping the heart that I worried so often about while pregnant and listened to daily just to make sure it was still beating. Stopping the heart that we learned so much about - more than we would ever think to know about a heart and all of it's valves, ventricles, blue and red blood, and designs. Stopping the heart that I so intently listened to and counted the beats in utero the day before I went into early labor, worried that something just wasn't right. Stopping the heart that we listened to for a week all day and all night at Duke while trying to keep Claire from being born for as long as we possibly could. Stopping the heart that was so determined and strong on the day she was born. Stopping the heart that for so many times in the ICN we watched the monitor when it was experiencing bradycardia. Stopping the heart that has the really loud murmur and makes a whooshing sound instead of a beating sound. Stopping the heart that when you lay your ear to Claire's chest, you hear that loud whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Stopping the heart that gives our daughter life each and every day. Stopping the heart that we worked so hard to keep going and going even on the days that our hearts were breaking. Stopping the heart that God made for Claire.
It's so daunting for me. Trent is so strong and reminds me this is what we knew was coming. It's 100% fixable. This will allow Claire to live a normal health life without restrictions. He is such a solid rock for our family. And I know all of these things. But at the same time, they are stopping our baby's heart. So for those long, long hours on Wednesday, not only will Claire's heart be stopped, but so will mine.
Please continue to keep Claire and the doctors and nurses in your prayers.
The Scott Family