Saturday, February 19, 2011

Thoughts on my heart today

As Claire's heart surgery gets closer and closer, I get more and more anxious, scared, excited, and nervous.  We know this is what Claire needs to have done to be able to grow and prosper.  But at the same time, the surgery is huge.  These surgeons and doctors will be stopping our baby's heart.  Stopping it.  No beating. 

Stopping the heart that Trent and I wanted to badly to hear on that first ultrasound but didn't.  Stopping the heart that we were so relieved and happy to hear on the second ultrasound that brought tears to our eyes and excitement in our own hearts.  Stopping the heart that I worried so often about while pregnant and listened to daily just to make sure it was still beating.  Stopping the heart that we learned so much about - more than we would ever think to know about a heart and all of it's valves, ventricles, blue and red blood, and designs.  Stopping the heart that I so intently listened to and counted the beats in utero the day before I went into early labor, worried that something just wasn't right.  Stopping the heart that we listened to for a week all day and all night at Duke while trying to keep Claire from being born for as long as we possibly could.  Stopping the heart that was so determined and strong on the day she was born.  Stopping the heart that for so many times in the ICN we watched the monitor when it was experiencing bradycardia.  Stopping the heart that has the really loud murmur and makes a whooshing sound instead of a beating sound.  Stopping the heart that when you lay your ear to Claire's chest, you hear that loud whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.  Stopping the heart that gives our daughter life each and every day.  Stopping the heart that we worked so hard to keep going and going even on the days that our hearts were breaking.  Stopping the heart that God made for Claire.  

It's so daunting for me.  Trent is so strong and reminds me this is what we knew was coming.  It's 100% fixable.  This will allow Claire to live a normal health life without restrictions.  He is such a solid rock for our family.  And I know all of these things.  But at the same time, they are stopping our baby's heart.  So for those long, long hours on Wednesday, not only will Claire's heart be stopped, but so will mine.

Please continue to keep Claire and the doctors and nurses in your prayers. 


The Scott Family


  1. What a touching post. We will be praying.

  2. This gave me chills and tears. Claire is so much stronger than we could have imagined and so are you all. We love you and are praying for a fast recovery for Claire. :)

  3. I agree with Sarah, this post brings me to tears. But, honestly just about all your posts bring me to tears. Rebecca, you amaze me every day & so does Claire. We will be praying that everything goes smooth with the surgery. Claire is such a trooper, I know she will come through it & recover quickly :)

  4. Please let us know what time Claire goes into surgery so at that time we can all be praying for her and all the family. She is so strong I know she is going to come through all this and be stronger than ever. She is an amazing little girl and has an amazing mommy and daddy and grandparents.
    We love you all. The McLawhorn's

  5. We are thinking of you all! We will continue to pray for not just Claire through the surgery, but for you, Trent and the rest of your family. Claire is a tough little girl and will fight her way to a quick recovery. You have been so strong for her, she is one lucky little girl. It will be difficult until the surgery is over, while you wait until you get to see that precious little face again and here that heartbeat, but God will give you comfort along the way. It will be the best feeling when her surgery is over and you have your healthy little angel in your arms again. Keep smiling, know that Claire has many angels watching over her :) We will say an extra prayer on Wed. Maybe we will see you there, would love too if you have time. Take Care! Sending lots of hugs!!

  6. ...and the Everlasting Arms hold Claire and you in perfect peace and the hand of Jesus touches with perfect wholeness.