One year ago September 28th

One year ago today, I just felt like something wasn't right with Claire.  Occasionally, I would listen to Claire's heartbeat with an old fetal Doppler machine that we had at work.  I kept it in my desk drawer to use when I felt the need to listen to that sweet heartbeat.  Especially after we learned of her heart defect. 

I basically rushed into my office early that morning, shut my door, flung open the drawer, and got the Doppler thing out and started searching for Claire's heartbeat.  I found it, very, very low in my belly.  That was a relief to hear it. I would count it to make sure it was within normal range and it was.  But I still just felt like something was off.  Claire was a mover and a kicker.  But that day, she was not.  She was very still.

One advantage of working at a doctor's office that has an ultrasound machine at it, is that I could call and see if they could do an ultrasound to check her out and ease my fears.  I didn't plan to take advantage of this bonus, but on this day, I had to.  I was just so worried for some reason.  I talked to a friend at work and she talked to the ultrasound tech.  They had just had a patient cancel, so she had just about 10 minutes to check me out.  So I ran over and gladly got ready for the ultrasound.

Granted, the ultrasound machine here at work is not supposed to be for babies.  It's more for adults who are having problems.  So the pictures are not the greatest.  But I could see Claire's heart beating, see her moving around, etc.  I could see she was alive. 

I remember the ultrasound tech pulling the screen so I couldn't see it and she had a worried look on her face.  Even though she doesn't do scans of babies, she knew something looked off.  She already knew about Claire's heart condition, but didn't know about the liver cyst.  She asked me if the OB/GYNs had told me what was going on and I explained she had a cyst on her liver.  A look of relief came over the techs face.  She was worried it was something I didn't know about and was new and that she would have to break the news to me.  She did comment on how big the liver cyst was.  I didn't know at the time just how large it had become. 

So the tech printed off a few pictures for me and I felt much better knowing Claire was still alive and looked ok.  I guess I really should have called the OB/GYN that day and gotten then to scan me.  I should have listened to myself.  But I didn't want to be that over reactive first time mom who called for every little thing.  I should have been her though.  Maybe they could have seen that something didn't look quite right or that Claire was in distress.  Or that I had way too much amniotic fluid.  Or that the cyst had grown to be huge. 

Little did I know that in just 24 hours, I would be in pre term labor, on the back of an ambulance in the pouring down rain, on the way to Duke with contractions every 3-5 minutes apart. 

On another note, we lost our friend Fuzz last night.  It was one of the saddest things I have ever had to go through.  But we were so lucky that a friend of ours who is a vet came to our house and was able to put Fuzz to sleep on our front porch as the sun set.  He was happy and content.  We miss him terribly.  Life is just not the same without him.  But we know he is now healed and cancer free!  And all dogs go to Heaven. 

Fuzz 9-27-11

Love,
The Scott Family